Customer Types
     
     
The "Demolition" Customer
The type of customer that takes their shopping trolley and drives it like they're in a demolition derby. Hitting displays, people and other shopping trolleys as they race their way through the store.

The "Scene" Customer
The type of customer that needs to make a scene every time they come into your store. Whether it's by yelling at the manager, employees or just belting their kid in the middle of the store.

The "Out of Everything" Customer
This breed of customer isn't always a pain, only when they get pissed off. These customers are the types that come in and for some reason 90% of all the things they're looking for are out of stock.

The "Coupon" Customer
A customer that always comes up to the register with a hand bag full of coupons and has to dig through this bag every time they come into your store.

The "Grubby Hand" Customer
These customers always come into your store with hands so dirty you'd swear they were just playing with horse crap. Then they end up getting the crud all over your hands in the process of giving you their money.

The "I swear I bought it like this" Customer
This customer will bring back a jacket with a huge stain from food, etc... on the front of it and swears that he bought it like that when you refuse to take it back. Then he asks for the manager and, when the manager refuses to take it back, walks out of the store shouting that he is never going to shop there again, like we care.

The "Typhoid Mary" Customer
Despite presence of highly infectious disease(s), still feels it necessary to violate their quarantine and unleash whatever plague it is they happen to be carrying upon the hapless retail employee. Most often by coughing directly onto money, or cutting to the chase and coughing directly in your face.

The "Innocent" Customer
This is the kind of customer who gets caught stealing or doing something else they should not be doing, like masturbating in the fitting rooms. When they are caught red handed by the staff AND the video camera, and their stolen items fall out of their jacket onto the floor in front of everybody, they STILL maintain their innocence and act offended at the accusation.

The "Let's see what happens" Customer
This is a customer who for some unknown reason will place their credit card, money, coupons, etc. on the movable belt at the check out. When the aforementioned articles disappear at the gap at the end of the belt --- they stand and wonder what happened.

The "Coma" Customer
They come into your store and look like they've been in a coma for 10 years. Wearing clothing that's too many sizes too small so their beer belly hangs out or they're wearing spandex pants that can barely hold in the cottage cheese on their legs.

The "8+3+1+7+23+2+4+1+6=12 items" Customer
The type of customer that has mathematically worked out that even though they have a shopping trolley loaded with stuff they still qualify to use the express line. Thus bringing the line to a complete halt while ringing up their 203 items.

The "Need a Closer Look" Customer
The type of customer that always barges their way behind the counter because they can't see a certain product on the shelf.

The "My Brother/Sister" Customer
The type of customer who assumes that because you are either the same race, from the same part of town, etc. as they are, you'll give them some kind of discount.

The "My Baby Is Teething" Customer
This is the customer who lets their young child suck on anything they can get their hands since it's too much of a hassle to use a dummy. Then they hand it to you at the register without wiping it off so that you can get baby gob all over your hands. More often than not, they're giving it to you because they don't want it rather than to buy it or they picked up another one because they don't want the wet one.

The "Mix it all together" Customer
This one combines different priced produce items in a single bag and then gets upset when you have to undo their "Houdini" knot to weigh and correctly charge them for their selections.

The "Just Sampling" Customer
Makes the rounds in your store making sure to sample all of the promotional sale products and then walk out of your store purchasing nothing. Extra points for bringing in the rest of their clan to truly make it a "night out."
 
 

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