You know you're a mother when...

You have time to shave only one leg at a time.

You hide in the bathroom to be alone.

Your child throws up and you catch it.

Someone else's child throws up at a party. You keep eating.

You consider finger paints to be a controlled substance.

You've mastered the art of placing large quantities of pancakes and eggs on a plate without anything touching.

Your child insists that you read "Once Upon a Potty" out loud in the middle of the shopping centre, and you do it.

You hope ketchup is a vegetable, since it's the only one your child eats.

You can't bear the thought of your son's first girlfriend.

You hate the thought of his wife even more.

You find yourself cutting your husband's sandwiches into cute shapes.

You can't bear to give away baby clothes - it's so final.

You hear your mother's voice coming out of your mouth when you say, "NOT in your best clothes!"

You stop criticizing the way your mother raised you.

You hire a baby-sitter because you haven't been out with your husband in ages, then spend half the night checking on the kids.

You use your own saliva to clean your child's face.